Victor Hugo goes up to the counter and describes the drink he wants in detail for an hour, laying out the minutiae of the process, presentation, and backstory of his extremely simple dark roast with sugar. By the time he’s finished, the store is closed, the barista has left, and Victor returns home empty-handed.
e.e. cummings g o e s
to the counter &orders
until the baristalady w h i s t l e s his name—
"how do you like your coffee, mr. poet?"
George R.R. Martin goes up to the counter and orders a series of incredibly complicated drinks, each more detailed and layered than the last. The barista works for an hour and finally hands them across the counter to Martin, who promptly throws one of them away with little to no explanation. That coffee had been the barista’s favorite.
Achilles goes up to the counter, oozing confidence. He orders two venti caramel macchiatos. “That’s a lot of coffee,” says the barista. “Are you sure you can handle it?” “Of course!” cries Achilles. “I’m practically immortal!”
He gets the drinks and begins to walk out of the store. He trips over the threshold, and a little bit of the scalding hot coffee spills down the back of his leg. He dies immediately.
Lemony Snicket goes up to the counter and orders a caffé Americano. It is bitter. The barista is armed. The man in the corner has poisoned someone’s drink. The espresso machine is on fire. Lemony Snicket begins to run down the street as the Starbucks explodes. He is being chased. He spills his coffee.
When friend is clearly upset but they don’t wanna talk about it but you wanna help but don’t know how and you just kinda
I wish none of you were sad
I wish there was peace and justice and wealth and happiness and good people around all of the planet
try and one up me again bitch
3 signs your man is cheating
- hes reading gamefaqs
- hes using a gameshark code
- hes enabled noclip